


A Good Lesson, Until...

by SilentJo



Series: Heavenly Blunders for the Unoffended (aka Jesus Did His Best) [1]
Category: Christian Bible
Genre: Comedy, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Late Night Writing, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 14:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12389838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentJo/pseuds/SilentJo
Summary: Jesus had only wanted to teach a lesson to his followers.  Someone just had to throw a wrench (or more accurately, a rock) into his plans...This parody is based on the story of Mary Magdalene, and was inspired by this writing prompt.[WP] "Let him who is without sin among you, throw the first stone." said Jesus. Seconds after, a stone hits Mary in the head. This did not go how Jesus expected. He approaches the man who threw the rock.





	A Good Lesson, Until...

_Alright, here's a great chance to teach these followers a good lesson._

Mary had been brought to Jesus rather abruptly. She was accused of adultery and the mob wanted to see what Jesus would say about her situation. He knew the game they were playing. He knew as well as the crowd that adultery was punishable by stoning. If he didn't agree with the law, he would also be in trouble for disobeying and disregarding it.

But Jesus had it all worked out. He had a plan. When the people had finally gathered and settled down to hear what he had to say, he dropped some real talk on them.

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

The crowd just stared at Jesus and Mary, who had been kneeling down at His feet.

_Ah, I see the wheels turning, they're actually understanding the lesson here!_

Jesus was about to leave the crowd to process that nugget of truth on their own when a small rock soared up above the heads of the people and landed against the side of Mary's head. She cried out in surprise, not expecting anyone to actually call Jesus' bluff.

"Hey! Who threw that? Did you miss what I just said to you guys?! We're done here people, time to head back to your homes." He looked in the direction the stone originated from and recognized a shrouded figure backing out of the dissipating crowd.

_Damnit! I just knew he was going to show up and mess with my work!_ Jesus left Mary in the care of one of his Apostles and followed the assailant into one of the alleys within the city.

"C'mon, Dad... Why'd you pull a stunt like that? Do you know how hard it's been to get them to actually pay attention and understand the lessons I'm teaching them?! It's like herding cats with them some days..."

Laughter was the only reply to Jesus' scolding. God pulled the hood back from his face and revealed a hearty smile to pair with the laughter. "Sorry, Son. It's just been rather dull at home lately. Lucifer hasn't been nearly as entertaining as humanity as of late, and I just couldn't help myself. You can't expect things to go smoothly every time, kid. There's always gonna be one asshole that wants to give you a hard time. Plus, to be fair, she actually _was_ cheating on her husband. But I'm sure you already knew that."

"Of course I knew that, Dad! That's not the point here! You wanted me to enlighten your people and teach them your word. How can I make that happen when you've got the whole 'helicopter parenting' thing going on right now!"

God smiled again and held up his hands, admitting defeat. "Okay, okay you got me. I'll head back home. I'll be seeing you soon enough anyway. Take care, Son!"

"Hey, what's that mean?" But before he could get an answer, God had disappeared. "Always with the cryptic stuff. Oh well, better go check on Mary. I hope for her sake she's no longer on her knees..."


End file.
